What to Do when You're Falling Apart
Your Hero’s Journey: Road of Trials (Part 2)
On the Hero’s Journey, we all encounter our own Road of Trials. The funniest thing is, for some odd reason, we all seem to believe something is fatally wrong with us for experiencing these trials in the first place.
Not so, my dear!
If you feel like you are falling apart, you are not alone. The completion of a relationship, the sudden end to a job, the roller coaster of emotions that accompanies any sort of loss could all be a part of your Road of Trials.
What I’ve found with the empaths I work with is that they are highly sensitive to other people’s suffering… and can be quite unaccepting of their own. We can be very hard on ourselves. Which, added on top of already challenging situations, makes life feel damn near impossible.
When it feels like you can hold it together the answer is not to beat yourself up more for not being perfect. Yes, I know you are aware enough to recognize patterns you may be running that you no longer want to run. But criticizing yourself for not being “perfect” only takes you further along the roller coaster of fear and inadequacy.
There is something simple and powerful that CAN help you when you feel like you are falling apart – spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Complete acceptance does not mean you need to “like” what’s happening or your behavior. It is simply observing what is happening without judgment. I say that like it’s the easiest thing in the world. We all know it’s not.
That’s why I believe it is important to fully allow ourselves to feel that our feeling are valid.
I was working with a client who experienced a huge personal breakthrough when she realized that her feelings – all of them – including the “ugly” ones – were totally valid!
She was able to use this mantra “My feelings are valid” in every scenario that had caused her suffering and unravel it from the root.
One practice I employ when I feel myself caught up in a shitstorm is the one below. It’s call “Experiencing Your Experience.”
1. Experience Your Experience
Give yourself permission and space to fully feel your entire experience. This means emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations. If you can take space by yourself or express this aloud to someone who can hold space for you, this is ideal.
State aloud: “I am experiencing… (emotion, body sensation –aka breathing, hunger, etc. -, and/or thought)”
Ex: “I am experiencing Anger. I am experiencing wanting to cry. I am experiencing the thought that I don’t get why this happened to me. I am experiencing taking a breath. I am experiencing…”
2. Clarify that You are Empowered
Once you feel the intense energy dropping and are experience more space and calm, State aloud: “I am the creator of my reality. I am the chooser. I am empowered to do what is best.”
3. Take whole-hearted action
From this point of clarity, peace, and empowerment, you can then decide what is the best next step to take.
This process does require a few things. It requires your awareness that you are in the middle of the fire. It requires that you make a choice to give yourself some time and space to process and feel this. It requires bravery to be completely honest with yourself and others. And it requires that you be compassionate and courageous as you move forward in learning from this.
Although it is not easy, I find this process to be comforting every time I use it with myself or with a client. It’s amazing how something so seemingly small as really listening and giving permission to ourselves can create such massive healing and transformation.
Just know, if you are going through some major shit, you are not broken. You never were and you never will be.