The 3 Stages of Healing
Feeling stuck, sick, misaligned, “off,” doubtful, fearful, lost, or frustrated never feels good.
We pretty much will do anything we can to not feel it. So we numb out, project it onto others, or cover it up with self-contempt, anger, envy, or guilt. We end up making ourselves feel like a different kind of shit, in order to not feel like shit.
But I think we care about a lot more than not feeling shitty or even our own happiness. The reason these states don’t feel good is not just because that’s not who we really are. It’s because we know we have so much more to offer.
We don’t want to feel this way because we want to contribute something bigger.
What if you knew that this feeling, this phase you are in, was only a temporary stage? Fodder for your new unleashing?
Well, it is.
It’s part of a distinct process of healing, with three different stages.
The first stage is called the “Oh, Shit” stage. It’s where you feel misaligned, lost, sick, or not sure what to do.
The second stage is the “Ok, Breathe” stage. It’s where you start to feel better, more like yourself, and you can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
The third stage is the “Heal, Yeah!” stage. It’s where you are fully being the Real You and are actively engaged in saving the world and making that contribution.
I think many of us get into the “Oh, Shit” stage and think that there is something vitally flawed about us. Which ends up keeping us in that stage and fueling that belief.
Or we get to the "Ok, Breathe" stage but end up sabotaging our own efforts and head right back to stage one.
But guess what? This is NORMAL.
Have you met a being on this planet that hasn’t experienced some sort of suffering?
We suffer not for the sake of suffering, but to dig deeper into ourselves to find more of our internal strength. That means it’s OK to suffer…but you also don’t need to stay there.
In fact, the world needs you NOT to stay there.
So how do you move through it? How do we get into that “Heal, Yeah!” stage, with authenticity, determination, and maybe some messy grace?
The process I use in my life and work is called “Feel, Heal, Real.”
Each step in this process has its own challenges, but also its own immense rewards. You can use it for big stuff, or the “little stuff” that happens every day.
Feel is all about experiencing your experience, not pushing away the emotion or story, but also not allowing it to run you either. It’s heart-felt observation. Through this compassionate presence, we are able to dig up the deeper story that is causing the suffering. You start to feel the energy shift here… like you may have a choice or option moving forward.
Heal is about mending that suffering in some way. Sometimes that’s releasing something. Sometimes it’s integrating something. I find it tends to be both. We let go of what we don’t need, what is not really in our – or anyone else’s – best interests, and integrate the qualities, stories, and learnings that do serve the Highest Good.
Real is actually witnessing and actualizing Real results in a physical reality. This is where you see the fruits of this process and the inner work. It’s where you feel vibrantly healthy, connected inside yourself and your relationships, and feel you are serving the world with your purpose in a super fulfilling way.
No matter what stage you are in, or where you are in the process, you are right where you need to be. This is iterative work. It’s cyclical and no one’s got it all figured out.
There is definitely a lot of self-trust involved in this. Courage to really look at how you are contributing or perpetuating your own pain. As well as a willingness to change.
But as Maya Angelou so poetically says:
"You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great."
So trust yourself. Move through, by being you.
Right where you are.